Breaking the habit of trying to be right all the time

White-Tail-Deer-fight_900Here are some extracts of Judith E. Glaser’s blog Your Brain Is Hooked on Being Right,which was also featured at USA TODAY

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/02/break_your_addiction_to_being.html

In situations of high stress, fear or distrust, the hormone and neurotransmitter cortisol floods the brain. Executive functions that help us with advanced thought processes like strategy, trust building, and compassion shut down. And the amygdala, our instinctive brain, takes over. The body makes a chemical choice about how best to protect itself — in this case from the shame and loss of power associated with being wrong — and as a result is unable to regulate its emotions or handle the gaps between expectations and reality.

That’s partly due to another neurochemical process. When you argue and win, your brain floods with different hormones: adrenaline and dopamine, which makes you feel good, dominant, even invincible. It’s a the feeling any of us would want to replicate. So the next time we’re in a tense situation, we fight again. We get addicted to being right.

Luckily, there’s another hormone that can feel just as good as adrenaline: oxytocin. It’s activated by human connection and it opens up the networks in our executive brain, or prefrontal cortex, further increasing our ability to trust and open ourselves to sharing.

Our Brain is hooked on being right most of the time, trying constantly to defend what we believe we are or what we have: our possessions,our title, our career, our image,etc.

But if we are in auto pilot mode all of the time, how can we change that and break the habit of being right? First we need to be aware of that, we need to realize every time we are in a discussion, or just talking with someone, and we start to feel the emotion of anger in our bodies, that is the time to realize we are feeling it, because we have just hooked in defending our point of view.

After we realized that, then we need to ask ourselves this:

What if?

What if the other person is right?, What if I am not right? What would it happen if I would agree with the other person? What if I could listen with empathy?

By doing this, your break the pattern of defending yourself, and activate the Oxytocin in your body, opening your state of mind and your awareness, and experiencing bliss instead of anxiety. By doing that you are giving the first step in creating a new habit, and with every time you do it, the habit reaffirms, until you break the old habit, because an old habit that is not used, dissolves in our brain, giving space to the new habit, which instead of anxiety, gives us happiness.

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Do you really love your spouse?

Do you really love your spouse?

That is the title of a video I just got from You Tube, and I decided I would write a new post about it.
Then I realized that the video speaks from itself, and that it will speak to each one personally, and each one will get something out of that video, so I decided I wouldn’t interfiere with its message, and I would let it speak directly to you.

Play Video

I only have one question for you to thing about it, after you have finished it:

What did the video tell you?

God Bless You

Live as You are Dying

Death is something that bothers our minds so many times during our lives, but death could be a great teacher too.

Through many cultures there has been a tremendous connection with death and wisdom. In some of them there is the belief that you should experience your own death, or in other words to embrace your own death in order to live this life fully, and only by embracing your death you would be able to open your wisdom and live a fearless life.

Althouugh there are certain techniques for doing so, they are not simple nor easy to accomplish. Not that I recomend trying them, but we can learn from their teachings and try to apply that to our lives.

One thing you could do is start by something simple but proffound at the same time:

“Live this moment as if it would be the last one you have”

When a young men who later became a saint was studying to become a priest, he was playing pool with the other students and one of the teachers. The teacher asked them this question:

“What would you do if you would now you were going to die in a couple of hours?”

The faces of the students changed from joy to fear when they thought about the question. There were different answers from the students:

-I will go to my family and say goodbye to them.
– I will go to the priest to have a confession of my sins.
-I will go to write down my testament.
-I will go and forgive my parents, and my friends.
-I will go and ask for forgiveness to my enemies.

But the expression of this young man remained calm even after the answers from his fellows. When the teacher noticed that he asked him

“What would you do?”

He answered

“I will keep doing what I am doing now, I will continue playing”

Not that he didn’t have anyting to leave to others or someone to say goodbye, but he was living the only moment he had; the present moment, and he lived in the present moment all the time, he was good with God, with others and with himself. He didn’t have any pending issues with anybody.

His teaching is so profound that it isn’t easy to put it in words, neither it is to put it in practice, but I really wish for you that if one day somebody would ask you; What would you do if you would now you were going to die in a couple of hours? I hope you are able to answer.

“I will keep doing what I am doing now”

God Bless You

I am also sharing this time an excerpt from my upcoming book “Interview with God”

“When people dies, at the moment they leave their bodies and enter in to my Love, I always ask each one if they would like to go back to earth and not to die at that moment. With the exception of few ones that want to go back and finish their missions, everybody decides to stay with Me instead of going back, because they are finally experiencing the real spirit they are. They are experiencing the Love they are made of, and they can’t let it go, they embrace that Love and feel it as it is, as it really is, with all the magnificence that you could never imagine while you are on earth, but that your soul could feel for moments while you are alive on earth.”

10 principles to a peaceful life

We are trying to control everything in life, but if we could learn we can let God do His job we would have a more relaxed and peaceful trip in this life, where joy would come easily, and we would enjoy every moment in our lives.

A simple way to understand this is comparing our trip in life with a trip on a plane.

1. Relax: This may sound so simple, but in this busy life we have created for ourselves, everything seems to be an struggle, we thing that we need to worry about everything in order to care about everything, but we could accomplish much more if we do everything in a relaxed mode, we could live healthier and do more, and yes give ourselves some time everyday just to relax. You wouldn’t have to go to the doctor as often, and eventually you would find more time for your self to relax.

2. Enjoy the view: You may ask What view? That is because we thing there is nothing going on out there, because we are so immerse in our thoughts all the time that we don’t have a second to look outside, but let me tell you; there is always something going on outside, there is something amazing out there, you just need to open your eyes, and close your mind and just look, see all the textures, colors, then see the trees, flowers, clouds, blue skies, sunlight, rain, snow, you will be amazed how many things are out there that you didn’t notice before

3. For sure someone is there to help you: There is someone that is more than happy to help you. Kindness is a quality of humans, we all have kindness and compassion inside of us, though some may show it and others will never do, you can always find the right people to help you, and if you think you can’t find anyone to help you, then go outside, open you arms and say to the sky “I need help”, and you will have it.

The Pilot who always knows what He is doing, let Him do the job.

4. There is a pilot and crew just to take you safe to your destination: There is always, in every moment of your life the ultimate Pilot who always knows what he is doing, let Him do the job, when you are on an airplane you don’t go with the pilot and say ” I think you are going too far east” you trust the pilot all the time, because you know that he knows, if not then you wouldn’t had purchased a ticket,if you wouldn’t trust the pilot. Now imagine what God knows compared to the pilot; trust God.

5. Breathe: All right we are always breathing, but breathing consciously makes a big difference, not only will make you feel relaxed, but it will make you be aware of yourself.

6. If something goes wrong there are face masks and life vests to help you: Sometimes things can go wrong, sometimes the unexpected can happen, but be sure that God would never send you something you could’t deal with, he will always provide you with whatever you need at that moment.

7. You were meant to fly: Sounds like a cliché, but we all were meant to be something great, and most of the times greater than we think we are. You can achieve great things if you believe you can. Wayne Dyer says you could accomplish things beyond your wildest dreams.

8. This is the only trip you have in this moment and only you are the only one that can choose to enjoy it or not: Now is unique and is the only moment you have, not what you had or what you will have in the future,you just have this moment to work with, and you are the only one that could decide to enjoy it or to complain about it, that doesn’t mean you cannot change things, if you don’t like something, this is the moment to change it instead of complaining about it, it is your choice.

9. Bad weather may shake the plane but be sure the sun is always behind the clouds: If you can’t see the sun it doesn’t mean it isn’t out there, so even if you forget about God in your cloudy days, you could be sure He is always there, He will never leave you and will always think about you, even if you don’t.

10. There are many passengers but only one plane we are one with the plane at this moment: We are all connected, we are one in our deepest selfs, we are not separated from the others, not because we have different bodies it means we are separated from the others, the ego is the one that makes you think that, and that feeling of separation is the cause of the suffering in this world, so if you could comprehend the oneness of everything you would have a peaceful and happy trip. I Hope you have it.

God Bless You
James Fontaine

Do I live in a friendly or a hostile Universe?

This is the second part of Einstein’s philosophical thoughts.

Einstein who is best remembered as a scientist, found wisdom in his search for true, He said this:

“The most important decision you’ll ever make is
whether you live in a friendly universe or a hostile universe”

This literally can change the way you perceive the world, the way you perceive reality, because if you choose to live in a hostile world, then you will find a hostile world everywhere you go.

You may think these are just feeling good words, which may sound nice, and eventually may work for some issues, but they can’t change the word as it is.

Well these words are more powerful than you may think, let’s have simple example of how we perceive the “world outside”.

Try to remember when you were going to buy a car, let’s say you decide to by an specific car from a brand, almost everyday when you are on the streets, you may start noticing the same model of car you want to buy, you start noticing there are different types of the same model you want to buy, and you start encountering more and more cars of that brand than ever before.

The cars did not show up magically that day, they already were there before, but you didn’t notice them, because you didn’t think about them, but in the moment you start to think about it, they seem to show up more and more.

There is no difference with what Einstein said, (after all he is considered the brightest mind of the last century) when you choose to live in a hostile word, you start to find bad news, the people you talk to seem to tell you bad news most of the times, you find the worst drivers on your way, and bad news become a part of your life. It doesn’t mean there are not good people or good news, but you chose to live in a hostile Universe, therefore you perceive a hostile Universe everywhere you go.

The opposite is true as well, when you choose to live in a friendly Universe, you start to see opportunities everywhere you start to see more and more good news, or maybe you stop watching the news, you find good people all the time, good things start to happen. It doesn’t mean that there are no more bad news, it is just that you decide not to focus on them and start focusing in good things instead.

Trungnpa Chogyam in his book The Sacred Path of the Warrior has a very important observation:”we can actually cure ourselves of depression if we recognize that the world we have is good”

If you decide to live in a friendly world and wake every morning saying to yourself

I live in a friendly world.

Then at some point, you may find yourself in a different word, because you discovered reality is nothing else than what we perceive trough our thoughts, through the memories we have accumulated from the past, and that it is different to everyone, because everyone has chosen, even without knowing to live in a friendly or a hostile world

It is your choice

God Bless you

Imagination is Everything, it is the preview of life’s coming attractions

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein is well known for his contributions to science, but most people don’t realize Einstein was also ahead of his time with his philosophical thoughts, we have been using some of Einstein’s principles in human development as well as in physics . His research in quantum physics are the basis of how we can change our reality by changing our thoughts, but not only in a philosophical way, but in a scientific way as well, because of Einstein we now know that the particles in an atom depend on the observer, that we can change the atom’s form from a particle to a wave,therefore we now know as Dr Wayne W. Dyer says:

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change

There is also the relativity principle which I will talking about it in a future post, but the one we a going to talk about it is “Imagination”

Imagination by definition is the ability of forming mental images, sensations and concepts, in a moment when they are not perceived through sight, hearing or other senses. It is our ability to create something that doesn’t exist (yet) in our minds, but it is also the ability to create what we imagined in our reality as well. All of the biggest accomplishes in human history started as a thought, started as imagination. It is called imagination, because it is the creation of imagethe with a thought.

There has been great examples of great people who has had great imagination: Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Gandhi, martin Luther King, and so many others , and of course one of my favorites Walt Disney, who is the best example of imagination. He did not only used imagination to create Disney and everything that we now know about it, he also promoted imagination, because he knew the power of it, he knew that everything he created started as a thought, as an image in his mind.

But Walt Disney knew that an image in your mind is not enough, you need to implant that image in your heart in order to create that image as a reality and not only as a dream. Disney knew that when you put your heart in an idea, there are big chances it will come true, because your heart is the connection with your Higher Self, it is the connection with God, therefore , when you connect your ideas with God, magic starts to work for and with you.

When you wish upon a star your dreams come true

So use your imagination to create the life you want, the people you want to be with, the circumstances you need in your life, and then put your heart on those ideas,feel it as if it already exists in your life, then thank God for them, and be ready to enjoy Life’s coming attractions.

God Bless You

Gratitude

Here is this beautiful video about gratitude, about presence, about living in the now, in the only day we have: TODAY.

In the first place I thought about explaining the meaning of the content of the movie, then I realized I didn’t need to explain it, you just need to see it by yourself to experience it.

I hope you have a great day.

God Bless You

play video